The Chop Shop

2004-09-25T10:42:00.000-05:00

Jane’s Encounters of the Braves Kind #1: Mark DeRosa

I know the following story might not seem believable, but my third cousin from Atlanta (Jane) has persuaded me to post this story (and soon to be more, maybe) on my blog because she says they really happened to her or something. She is 34 years old, is still stuck in the 80’s, and has a “Valley Girl” speech impediment that I want to apologize for in advance. They’re funny stories, so I’ve decided to post the DeRo story first.

I (Jane) was at like, my favorite support group, one Thursday night because I like, have a sincere fear of Elvis. It’s totally a great group of people. My friends David, Ella, Mary, and Alvin especially helped me get through that horrible voicemail of “Heartbreak Hotel” I got from a prankster. David is a doctor totally frightened of malpractice lawsuits, Ella is trying to get over her ex-husband who left her for a Shania Twain karaoke singer, Mary is trying to get over her urges during church services to run up and down the center aisle screaming curse words, and Alvin is sooo totally obsessed with chipmunks.

Anyways, this was a special Thursday night because we like, had a local celebrity (and really dreamy guy) in our midst. He was Mark DeRosa, Atlanta Braves utilityman wearing his tight uniform, which enhanced every inch of this taut, defined muscles that were shining with sweat when he ripped his shirt open and oh my God! I like, totally almost let you into my Mark DeRosa fantasy! I feel totally retarded! Well, we were wondering why in the name of Culture Club would this perfect man with a beautiful wife and millions of dollars come to our support group (even though it totally was the best).

We like, came in and sat down, and since he was new, he had to like introduce himself (which there was no need for, as he was like, wearing that tight uni with his name on the back of it) and state his problem. His problem (in his words):

“I’m so damn tired of Chipper the jerk! He hogs all of the Braves’ attention and he stole my spot at third base! Why him? Just because I was in a 3 for 55 slump doesn’t mean he should get to come in and take over because he’s hotter than me! I know! I know exactly what’s going on! It’s a Hooters conspiracy!”

Gag me with a spoon!!! My face totally matched my neon red Day-Glo shirt I was so embarrassed for him! I like, blushed soooooo much!!! Then he like, totally started crying and ran away! We like, still reserve that seat to this day just for him and his totally tight ass though. Oh my God! I am soooooo sorry! I totally was fantasizing again!!! I guess you should like, consider yourselves lucky, because I like, totally could have let you into my Sting and George Michael fantasy.

And there it is. I don’t know if I will post anymore of them though…they’re pretty wack. Maybe by special request from you three that read this (or is there three?). By the way, this is fan fiction, not fact for you gullible people out there. If you would like your baseball fan fic posted on The Chop Shop, send to Emilee with some subject relating to “fanfic” at JaneBond34@hotmail.com.

2004-09-17T16:46:00.000-05:00

New Blog

I really want to put my Photoshop to use on my blog, I just can't figure out to post Photoshop-edited pictures on Blogger. I could use some help. Email me at janebond34@hotmail.com if you wanna help me out or just leave a comment, cause I really want to start doing good things for this blog and improving it.

2004-09-07T14:40:00.000-05:00

All Apologies

Sorry for the long hiatus! Pretty soon I'll be eating every blog's face with many many Hotness Evaluations. Anyways, ALL I have been doing is playing softball (fastpitch) for my high school. Our coach makes us practice every single day, but due to Hurricane Frances showing North Georgia a little love, our game got rained out so I got a little break. Our team is not that great; we just started fastpitch three years ago, so our pitching is really far behind. We used to kill everybody at slowpitch though. We made Sweet Sixteen (at least) like every year. I play out field. I'm known for my defense more than my offense though, let's just say that. I'm the Torii Hunter of my team when it comes to outfield defense. I can get my hits, but I bunt a lot too, cause I'm pretty fast. If I sound like I'm bragging, I'm not, I'm just pretty confident in my abilites.

2004-08-11T18:14:00.000-05:00

SCHOOL

Well, it's that time of year. I hate Pre-Calculus already, ugh. Well, only two years left for this high school junior. I'll try to update as much as possible, though.

GO COKE FIENDS!!!!!!!!

2004-08-02T12:21:00.000-05:00

Los Angeles Dodgers Hotness Evaluation

Let's see if that trade made them hotter.

Dodgers Starting Pitching

Brad Penny-0/10

Jeff Weaver-0/10
Ewww. Ugly hair.

Kaz Ishii-0/10

Odalis Perez-0/10
I wish he was still a Brave, though.

Jose Lima-0/10

Dodgers Bullpen

Wilson Alvarez-0/10
Good God...

Yhency Brazoban- guess! 0/10

Giovanni Carrara- 0/10

Eric Gagne- 0/10
Man, he's a great closer. But he needs to lose the glasses, facial hair, and some weight.

Darren Dreifort-1.5/10
Kinda pale.

Duaner Sanchez-1/10
Could've been a 2 if not for the Gagne-like goggles.

Dodgers Catchers

Brent Mayne-0/10
Ugh. Not him again (D'backs Evaluation).

David Ross-2/10
A kinda cute face.

Dodgers Infielders

Adrian Beltre-1/10

Hee Seop Choi- 1/10

Alex Cora-1.5/10

Jose Hernandez-0/10

Cesar Izturis-0/10

Olmedo Saenz-0/10

Robin Ventura-2.5/10

Dodgers Outfielders

Milton Bradley-3/10
Could be higher if he wasn't such a baby.

Steve Finley-0/10

Jason Grabowski-0/10

Shawn Green-5/10

Jayson Werth-8/10
Hottie alert!!!

Pitching Rotation's Average Hotness-0
Bullpen's Average Hotness-0.42
Pitching Staff's Average Hotness-0.21
Catchers' Average Hotness-1
Infielders' Average Hotness-0.86
Outfielders' Average Hotness-3.2

L.A. Dodgers' Average Hotness-1.32

Final Analysis: Those outfielders picked up the slack!

2004-08-02T12:05:00.000-05:00

Jason Marquis

Who does this little moron think he is? We gave you three years to succeed and you didn't even do that somewhat! You wouldn't be anything without Leo and the Braves, crapface!

2004-07-22T19:15:00.000-05:00

manny ramirez's defense = pure, unadulterated comedy.

2004-07-22T18:30:00.000-05:00

Tired of Chipper's Crap

I am EXASPERATED with Larry Jr. Yeah, I know you pulled your hammy, but there is no excuse if you can't hit two months after it happened. I am getting so tired of him (and I know I'm going to get hell for this) that I think he should be sent to AAA Richmond to learn how to hit again. Nick "Bronco" Green or Gilly should play third until he gets his "confidence" back or whatever excuse Chuck Dowdle from Channel 2 said. I was about to lash out at Andruw, but his defense is just too good, he's starting to hit the ball the other way more (6 game hitting streak), and he is still on pace to hit 30 home runs and 100 RBI, which is fine by me even with a .258 BA as long as you're getting on base a lot and scoring runs. I had confidence Chipper was breaking out, but now he's went 0-for-11 in the last three games. I really think we might be wasting our time waiting on him when we know Bronco can hit .280 and play relatively good D. Chipper could be a contributing factor if we don't win division.

I guess all of that Hooters girl crap is catching up to him.....

2004-07-17T09:27:00.000-05:00

Them Battlin' Braves

Ahhhhhh, we should have won that game last night; but anyways, we really have battled back to show people what we're all about. And we're all about winning the NL East (candi, sorry for the awful title and starting a sentence with "and" in this post; I'm lazy today).

I honestly thought we could win division at the beginning of the year. I didn't just now jump on the bandwagon. There's only one thing that concerns me.

If you look at where all of the Braves' division flags are at Turner Field, well...there's not room for another one, plus it's number thirteen anyways. I do believe in curses and superstitions, too. How could you not by watching the Red Sox and Cubs for the past century or so?

I really do feel for the Cubs. I think if they're ever even going to make it back to the World Series, it's going to be unexpected, just like their making it to the NLCS last year. Now Mark Prior is hurt again, and the unlikely Cardinals have ran away with the division. Heck, with the Cubs' luck, the Astros will have a surge and win Wild Card.

2004-07-09T11:21:00.000-05:00

remember when the Braves were this bad? Well, I don't. Cause I wasn't even alive, ha ha!!!!

2004-07-09T10:36:00.000-05:00

Y'all Hate Me, I Swear.

Nobody has sent in baseball stories. C'mon guys!!! I'm trying to make this blog show a little feedback!!! Send me a story at janebond34@hotmail.com!!!! Subject: Chop Shop!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!

Well, at least the Braves have been exciting lately.

2004-06-30T11:50:00.000-05:00

Texas Rangers Hotness Evaluation

In my eyes losing Pay-Rod made this team even better in more than one way…

Rangers Starting Pitching

Kenny Rogers-0.5/10

Joaquin Benoit-0/10

Ryan Drese-0/10
Man, this staff is pretty dang ugly.

Nick Bierbrodt-3/10
Kinda cute.

John Wasdin-0/10

Rangers Bullpen

Carlos Almanzar-0/10
Bad start for the relief.

Francisco Cordero-0/10

Frank Francisco-0/10
…yawns….

Ron Mahay-1/10
That’s a courtesy point more than anything.

Erasmo Ramirez-(can’t find pic)

Brian Shouse-0/10

Doug Brocail- negative1/10
Has a very ugly bushy goatee.

Ricardo Rodriguez-0.5/10

Rangers Catchers

Rod Barajas-1.5/10

Ken Huckaby-0/10
Not hot, but has a cool name.

Rangers Infielders

Hank Blalock-1/10
Has a scrunchy face.

Herbert Perry-0/10

Alfonso Soriano-2/10
I love Alf’s swing, just way too skinny for my tastes.

Mark Teixeira-2.5/10
Has a nice, nice build.

Eric Young-0/10

Michael Young-5/10
The next hot superstar.

Rangers Outfielders and DH

David Dellucci-3/10
Mama mia, I love Italians.

Jason Conti-0/10

Gary Matthews-2/10

Kevin Mench-0/10

Brad Fullmer (DH)-1.5/10

Pitching Rotation’s Average Hotness-0.7…yeccccchhh

Bullpen’s Average Hotness-.07…oh geez

Pitching Staff’s Average Hotness-0.39….yeah I am definitely too tough

Catchers’ Average Hotness-0.75

Infielders’ Average Hotness-1.75

Outfielders and DH’s Average Hotness-1.3

Texas Rangers’ Average Hotness-1.05
Final Analysis: I was kinda disappointed by this; I thought they were going to be much higher.

2004-06-30T10:33:00.000-05:00

Wow

That was really cool!!!! Now I can post pics to my blog!!! Anyways, the Braves haven't been that interesting lately, so I was gonna start a little feature up called "My Experiences With Pro Baseball Players". What I was gonna do is have whoever is reading this, if you have a semi-interesting story about well...your experiences with a pro baseball player (which includes minor leagues, too; they are also professionals). Just email your story to me at janebond34@hotmail.com and I'll see what I can do. If no one sends any, I will be forced to post my own (the Glenn Hubbard story, the Javy story, the two Gryboski stories, the DeRo and Marquis story, and much more). I will try to post one every week or so.

Still working on the Texas Rangers Hotness Evaluation.

2004-06-30T10:31:00.000-05:00

I just thought all of us ladies needed to see this...

2004-06-28T09:34:00.000-05:00

Could this be the start of something????

I'm praying that the huge win we got yesterday will jump start this team. They need it. And was it not like the most dramatic thing EVER when all they needed was a sacrifice fly from Javy and Smoltz strikes him out on all sliders? That was a huge huge win; it made me very happy.

About the Russ and Andruw for Mags and prospects trade:
Well, now it's most likely not going to happen because the ChiSox just got Freddy Garcia. I would've loved for it to happen though; Druw and Russ have been disappointing thus far and you can put Mags down for a .320 hitter with 100 RBI. It would have evened out our rotation, too.

BTW, I only watched 1 hour of the Braves that whole week I was in the Outer Banks. It was a much needed break. I come back, and the first game I watch we get an awesome win. I had a great vacation, though. Ya know, I think it's about time for another Hotness Evaluation Texas Rangers-style.

2004-06-19T08:28:00.000-05:00

Gimme A Break

....when in reality I've never seen any of you people at all. I'm totally off of the Braves right now. The offense has been mediocre, defense has sucked, starting pitching has been inconsistent, and our bullpen has totally melted down. Unless we turn it around really really quick, this season is a lost cause. I mean, these interleague games are ones we should've been winning. We should've taken the series from the Royals and I think we lost the series to the White Sox, too. And we lost to the INDIANS last night!!!! No offense to Indians fans, but y'all have a really awful bullpen that we didn't manage to do crap off of. Chipper's hitting like .209; I remember talking on the Braves message boards about we thought he was gonna really step it up this year and have his best season yet. We thought that about Andruw, too. Instead, no one's stepped up. Well, it's a good thing I'm leaving tonight to go the Outer Banks Islands in North Carolina for a week...I need a break from the Braves.

2004-06-02T11:24:00.000-05:00

Back on Track

I thought last night's game was over very early on. But clutch hits by Johnny "The Clutcher" Estrada, Nick "Bronco" Green, and J.D. "Country Boy" Drew won us the game. The defense in this game scared me though, particularly Furcal's. DeRosa had 2 hits and didn't make an error. I'm telling y'all, it's all me! His future (or autographed baseball) in is my hands!!! I was wanting to turn the TV off in the 8th, but something just told me not to; something told me to keep watching the game. It's too bad about Chipper though; apparently this injury will be on him all year like a hobo on a steak.

Let's see if we can get the sweep tonight.

Note to Bobby Cox: Mike Hessman SUCKS. Put Eli at first for the sake of our season.

2004-05-31T09:46:00.000-05:00

The Bullpen Chapel

Looks like the Braves have the God bullpen, which is really cool. I think they need to be praying full-time for our wounded Choppers as they tomahawk into battle. Check out the wounded:

1. Marcus Giles:out 6-8 weeks, broken collarbone

2. Adam LaRoche:(this was a weird injury) out 4-6 weeks, collarbone

3. Horacio Ramirez:(our most consistent pitcher!!!), 15-day DL, tendonitis in left shoulder

4. Chipper Jones: probably out 2 weeks, just because.

It's been pretty tough to be a Richmond uh, I mean Atlanta Braves fan lately, hasn't it???

2004-05-29T10:11:00.000-05:00

"The new all-time low"

I know Chipper said that a while back, but this is our new all-time low. Reasons:

1. Chipper will be out for like two weeks now with a bruise.

2. We have stranded WAY too many baserunners lately.

3. Adam LaRoche is a freakin dumbass. Why the hell did he even run on that play???? And just because DeRosa didn't slide into home doesn't mean you can just run into the catcher too. Now you're hurt, and...oh God now we have MIKE HESSMAN at first base. WHY???? Why can't he just stay away? It doesn't matter how much he is tearing it up in Richmond, he's still gonna strike out in 2/3 of his AB's!!! That is one of very few things I don't like about Bobby Cox: his willingness to bring up sucky players. I don't care how much heart they have; if they can't play, they don't need to come up and make our club worse.

4. Andruw taking too many homerun cuts. That's the signal for an impending Andruw slump.

5. Gryboski. Why put him in that situation? Hasn't he already walked in the tying run this year anyways? This is where you've got to put Smoltz in. You're supposed to put your ace in these situations.

5. Antonio Awfulseca. Why did Bobby feel the need to leave him in? He almost let the tie get away in the 9th, why would you leave him in for the 10th? All you are doing is asking for trouble. Why not put in Smoltzie? Smoltz should've been in when Gryboski screwed up. John hasn't walked anybody this year.

6. Eddie Perez. I also don't know why Bobby feels the need to put Eddie in for Estrada when Horacio pitches. Now we suck even more, and if you keep taking Estrada out, when Horacio pitches our lineup is gonna rank with the worst in the MLB. But I guess that's okay, right? You get to play Eddie, a really nice guy who has a veteran influence and can't hit a watermelon, right? It's good that you can put your friends in.

I guess you can tell I'm really disgusted right now.

2004-05-28T11:42:00.000-05:00

Confused

Obviously no one likes to comment, but I know people read this because on my site meter it says so, for at least two minutes.

But anyways, I'm just pumped cause the Braves are HOT right now...here's hoping for a sweep of the Phillies(yeah I know, i'm getting over eager but hey, we're 500 now!)! DeRo's been hitting better, too. Okay I know this sounds really dumb, but listen:

My friend Gene (yes, the one who's mom was given a hotel room key by Kevin Gryboski...oh yeah I haven't mentioned that on here, more on that later) bought me an autographed DeRo ball for my b-day (March 7). Well, I used to kiss it everyday because he's so fine. Then I got out of the habit and he started playing bad. So about a week ago, I was talking to Gene on the phone and he told me to start kissing it again. So I did, and he's started to pick up his hitting.

Now the Gryboski story:
Gene's mom and sister Brandy (I think that's her name) were in a bar in San Francisco and they saw Darren Bragg, Kevin Gryboski, Marcus Giles, and Raffy there. They said that Raffy was trying to get with these girls and they turned him down, so Giles was giving him hell about it. Bragg was playing with Brandy's hair and said (and I quote) "You are so beautiful, you have the most beautiful hair". LOL!!! And Gryboski gave Gene's mom a key to his hotel room. So they left the bar and Gene's mom wanted to go to Gryboski's room, but Brandy wouldn't let her. But Gene did end up with an autographed napkin and his mom still has the room key.

You probably think I made all that up, but it's true. Just like when my dad saw Glenn Hubbard in McDonald's...ahhh I'm not gonna get into that unless that story's requested.

BTW, does anyone know when Meet and Greet Day is gonna be? Last year me and Gene went and we met Javy (blushes); this year we're targeting Smoltz. I'll type both Javy stories on here too, if they are requested.

And...how 'bout dem Reds? They are my dad's favorite team (he grew up with the Big Red Machine). Everyone knows they're not gonna be on top for long, but hey, it's good while it lasts, right?

2004-05-24T10:13:00.001-05:00

Anyone alive out there?

....I really don't think anyone reads this, so I'm gonna give this a week to get at least 7 comments. If I don't, I very well may terminate this blog.

Good luck, Bravos.....(crying)

2004-05-22T07:24:00.000-05:00

Arizona Diamondbacks Hotness Evaluation

Let's see if the D'backs are as hot as Phoenix. (That was dumb, but I'm pressing for something witty right now.)

D'backs Pitching Rotation

Brandon Webb-1.5/10

Steve Sparks-3/10

Randy Johnson-2/10
Not good looking at all, but that fastball, slider, and perfect game are hot in their own respect.

Casey Fossum-1.5/10

Casey Daigle-5/10
The goatee works here.

D'backs Bullpen

Brian Bruney-1/10

Randy Choate-0/10

Elmer Dessens-0/10

Andrew Good-0/10

Mike Koplove-negative 2/10
Looks like this guy took a cue from Jeff DaVanon with the PeeWee Herman look, but Mike also adds in a little Braden Looper horse teeth style.

Stephen Randolph-0/10

Jose Valverde-1/10
Here is your black Santa, folks...look at those cheeks!!!

D'backs Catchers

Robby Hammock-2/10
Looks remarkably like the Jason guy who's in the American Pie movies.

Brent Mayne-1.5/10
I think that's a bad picture.

D'backs Infielders

Carlos Baerga-0/10

Alex Cintron-1/10
Cute ears.

Scott Hairston-0/10

Shea Hillenbrand-0/10

Matt Kata-3/10
Whoa this guy kinda LOOKS like a snake...that's kinda sexy in a way...

Donnie Sadler-0/10

Chad Tracy-0/10
Is his hair really that color???

Richie Sexson-6.5/10
Richmond Lockwood Sexson (not kidding, that’s his name) helps out this team a lot, offensively and in hotness.

D'backs Outfielders

Danny Bautista-3.5/10

Steve Finley-1.5/10

Luis Gonzalez-0/10
WAY too skinny.

Pitching Rotation's Average Hotness-2.6
Bullpen's Average Hotness-0
Pitching Staff's Average Hotness-1.3
Catchers' Average Hotness-1.75
Infielders' Average Hotness-1.31...imagine how low it would be w/o Richie Sexyson I mean Sexson!!!
Outfielders' Average Hotness-1.67

Arizona Diamondbacks' Average Hotness: 1.51
I definitely think I am too tough, lol!!!

2004-05-19T13:08:00.000-05:00

Quote of the Day

"Aye, aye, aye!!!"
~Ricky Ricardo (Desi Arnaz) when asked about the past two games the Atlanta Braves have played.

2004-05-16T15:59:00.000-05:00

We Officially Suck (For now, anyways)

1. Problem:
Gilly's (my Gilly! MY GILLY!) out for 6-8 weeks. This is awful. Only a freak accident like this one could happen to Marcus. You know, I really don't understand why Andruw didn't call Gilly off, which is HIS job. That is something Andruw should know. I've played softball my whole life (outfield the past few years, too) and I even know that if you are in the outfield and you have to run up for a popup, you have to make sure you call it, so you don't pound the infielder. Geez, that was the worst collision I think I've ever saw. I'm sorry, but I really think this is Andruw's fault ALL the way.

What we should do about it:
Bring up Andy Marte, put him at third,and put DeRo (or ANYONE else for that matter) at second. I know you are thinking "Emilee, you are crazy for wanting to bring him from Greenville this early". But what harm could it do just until Giles got back? Two months at the MOST. We could get a really good look at him, and if he ends up doing better than DeRo the Zero, this could really pay off for the team. If he doesn't do well, send him back down. I can only pray Bobby Cox will read this and follow through (yeah right, who am I kidding?).

2. Problem:
Today's performance against the Brew Crew.

What we should do about it:
Well, there's really nothing to do about it now. Damn, I just wish Chipper would start doing something. Oh yeah, and Johnny did the right thing today by arguing that high and outside strike call. Nobody else was saying anything, ya know? Ben Sheets certainly was seriously wheelin and dealin though, wasn't he? I'm just glad it was him that was striking us out and not someone like Clemens or Javier Vazquez.

2004-05-14T06:22:00.000-05:00

Get Into the Groove

WOW!!! The Braves actually won and Smoltzie got a hard save!!! This is how it needs to be. Chipper's started hitting again, Smoltzie's got his stuff back, bullpen is pitching great, etc. Guess who sat out though: if you guessed DeRo the Zero, you were right. And we won when he wasn't in!!! I wonder how Andy Marte's doing....as soon as we get him and Raffy in the lineup, we will have NL East. We're only 4 behind the Marlins, 2 behind the Phillies.

Workin on some stuff...catch ya later.

2004-05-11T14:51:00.000-05:00

Guilty

I have to go to revival EVERY night this week at my church, and I really don't want to. I know that sounds AWFUL, but I love my Braves!!! I won't get to watch them!!!!

Well anyways, Blogger has "renovated" itself and I think I am gonna pick a new template so I might not post a whole lot. I have a horrible migraine right now so I think I'm gonna sign out.

6 more days of school!!!! (in Fannin County anyways)

B'Bye!

2004-05-11T06:27:00.000-05:00

Lucifer

I love that Jay-Z song. Anyways, it seems as as though Lucifer is having his way with the Braves this season. He is injuring all of our important players and agreed to never accept Mark DeRosa into Hell if he doesn't hit, although we all know we would much rather have DeRosa go to Hell and hit 300 with 60 RBI.

I'm now working on the Texas Rangers and Arizona D'backs Hotness Evaluations...leave some comments!!!

2004-05-06T15:13:00.000-05:00

Toronto Blue Jays Hotness Evaluation

Blue Jays Starting Pitchers

Miguel Batista-2/10
Kinda cute,although he looks like a deer in the headlights in his picture.

Roy Halladay-6.5/10
Ahhh, one of last year's Cy Young winners. He certainly beats out Eric Gagne, but he's still not that hot. The beard actually looks really good on him though.

Pat Hentgen-0/10
Ewwww he has one of those ugly Kevin Millar-like handlebar mustaches (I HATE mustaches anyways).

Ted Lilly-0/10
Teddy looks like a little kid.

Justin Miller-0/10

Blue Jays Bullpen

Terry Adams-0/10

Valerio De Los Santos-0/10

Jason Frasor (can't find picture)

Jason Kershner-2/10
If he shaved, he would probably look really good.

Kerry Ligtenberg-2.5/10
All of us Braves fans remember this guy....we certainly need him for our bullpen.

Justin Speier-0/10

Michael Nakamura (can't find picture)

Blue Jays Catchers

Kevin Cash-5/10

Gregg Zaun-0/10

Blue Jays Infielders

Dave Berg-0/10

Carlos Delgado-3.5/10
Another pretty smile, just like Vladimir Guerrero.

Chris Gomez-0/10
He has a REALLY thin face;instead of "Mr. Ed" it should be "Mr. Gomez" or "Mr. Chris", idk lol!!!

Eric Hinske-1/10

Orlando Hudson-2/10

Chris Woodward-negative 2/10
HA HA FUNNY EARS!!!!! I don't see how they fit under his batting helmet!!! He needs to just spread his ears and fly away like Dumbo!!! HA HA HA!!!

Blue Jays Outfielders and DH

Frank Catalanotto-1/10

Howie Clark-3/10

Reed Johnson-1/10

Vernon Wells-4/10

Josh Phelps (DH)-1/10

Blue Jays Pitching Rotation's Average Hotness-1.7
Blue Jays Bullpen's Average Hotness (w/o Jason Frasor or Michael Nakamura averaged in)-0.9
Blue Jays Pitching Staff's Average Hotness-1.3
Blue Jays Catchers' Average Hotness-2.5
Blue Jays Infielders' Average Hotness-0.75...this is ridiculous
Blue Jays Outfielders and DH's Average Hotness-2

Toronto Blue Jays' Average Hotness: 1.64
Wow, this is getting ridiculous....maybe I am a little too tough, I don't know. I just know that I'm a very honest person. Kevin Cash was a pleasant surprise though.

2004-05-05T14:38:00.000-05:00

DeRo's Errrrrrrrrorrific!!!!

Um....yeah that was definitely very cheesy. It's supposed to mean that DeRo is very errorful right now. Which means he's full of errors.

Sunday's performance by Mark DeRosa was worse than God-awful. It was more like God Buddha Muhummad(sp?) awful. FOUR errors in the game. FOUR. I was thinking in the few weeks before this "Wow, he's actually been extremely sound defensively"...well looks like he's come back to Earth. I think we better start looking at Andy Marte, I really do.

Oh yeah, and it also looks like Marcus Giles is going into a slump. I can't wait until Larry Wayne comes back.

2004-04-29T15:54:00.000-05:00

Kansas City Royals Hotness Evaluation

Here it is, Harley.

Royals Starting Pitchers

Jeremy Affeldt-2/10
Ugly goatee, pretty teeth.

Brian Anderson-2/10

Jimmy Gobble-1.5/10
Gets a cute point.

Dennys Reyes-negative 3/10
This guy has to have the biggest head I've ever seen...it probably takes up 150 pounds of his 245 pound mass.

Darrell May-0/10

Royals Bullpen

Nate Field-0/10

Shawn Camp-1.5/10

Jason Grimsley-negative 4/10
Gross!!! He looks like his name should be Boomer The Varsity Linebacker Who Eats A Pizza And Six Hotdogs Before A Game.

Justin Huisman-(can't find picture)

Curtis Leskanic-2/10

Mike MacDougal-0/10

Scott Sullivan-1.5/10

Royals Catchers

Benito Santiago-negative 1/10
The guy's ugly and wrinkly and he has an earring...just like the goatee, ear piercings only look good on some guys, and it just don't look good on Benito. So negative one point for the piercing.

Kelly Stinnett-0/10

Royals Infielders

Andres Blanco-3/10
He's very cute, but definitely not hot.

Tony Graffanino-4.5/10

Mendy Lopez-0/10

Joe Randa-1.5/10

Mike Sweeney-3/10

Royals Outfielders and DH's

Carlos Beltran-7/10
Pretty hot guy...too bad he'll be playing CF for the $kankee$ next season.

David DeJesus-2/10

Juan Gonzalez-2/10

Aaron Guiel-1/10
Reminds me of a heavier-set Robert Fick.

Ken Harvey (DH)-0/10

Matt Stairs (DH)-0/10

Pitching Rotation's Average Hotness-0.5...that's awful
Bullpen's Average Hotness-0.17...that's even worse.Of course there's the fact that I couldn't find a picture of Justin Huisman ANYwhere.I don't know if that would help or hurt the score.I didn't count him when I averaged everything together. Email me his pic if you want, and I'll add him in.
Pitching Staff's Average Hotness-0.34 ROTFLMAO!!!!
Catchers' Average Hotness-negative 2...Goodness.
Infielders' Average Hotness-2.4
Outfielders and DHs' Average Hotness-2.0

Kansas City Royals' Average Hotness:0.69
Final Analysis: WOW....I don't know what to say except for that this team is really fugly.

2004-04-27T15:09:00.000-05:00

My Sentence Is Up

Well, I did the crime and served the time, boys and girls. Here's a piece of advice, straight from Emilee to you: If you are pretty smart before you get in high school, get those grades down to A minuses and B pluses (sp?), before the expectations from your parents might just be astronomical, like they are for me.

Trust me, when you get in high school (if anyone younger is reading this....I do believe I'm the youngest blogger around) you're not really gonna care about your grades. I promise. Used to, I was never a slacker and I cared about and tried on my schoolwork. But now, I really don't care about most classes, as long as I'm making a B, or just passing in some cases.

Biology is a class I particularly hate. The teacher is awful. And yes, I have been told that a lot of college professors are really bad too, but I am still in high school and my grades matter more now than they will then. Right now I need to concentrate on graduating high in my class and having a B average to get the Hope Scholarship, which is seeming even more far away because of the good work of current Governor Sonny "Pathological Liar" Perdue. Trust me, you would understand if you were in the GA Public School System. In college, I'm honestly just going to concentrate on passing, because I know for a fact I'm not always gonna make B's.

Anyways, I'm gonna work on that KC Royals Hotness Evaluation I've been promising someone and maybe post something about my Battlin' Braves (been a while, huh?).

2004-04-22T15:12:00.000-05:00

You Must Be My Lucky Star

....okay, I really don't know why I just quoted a Madonna song from 1984. It doesn't really pertain to anything I'm fixing to type.

I don't think anyone read my Anaheim Angels Hotness Evalutation...it makes me sad...it took forever to do!!! And if anyone does read it, please leave comments, good or bad. I'm only like halfway through the Diamondbacks Evaluation, and I dunno if I'm gonna finish it or not because I am getting ZILCH feedback about the Angels one. Geez, those things are a lot of work!!! Help me out, Chop Shoppers!!!

2004-04-22T06:26:00.000-05:00

Eternally In Debt

I just want to give a huge shout-out to Leah, who has been giving me Braves updates while I serve my time. Thanks a lot!!! If you ever need a favor, ask and I'll see what I can do...thank you so much!!!

2004-04-21T16:37:00.000-05:00

why isn't the picture coming up??? I am the Black Knight if you wanna know!!!

2004-04-21T16:36:00.001-05:00

Take the Which Monty Python & The Holy Grail character are you? Test @ The Monty Python & The Holy Grail Unofficial Fan Site

2004-04-21T16:36:00.000-05:00

Take the Which Monty Python & The Holy Grail character are you? Test @ The Monty Python & The Holy Grail Unofficial Fan Site

2004-04-21T16:05:00.000-05:00

RUN AWAY!!!!

I JUST REMEMBERED I AM GOING TO MISS FRIDAY NIGHT XTRA TOO!!!! AHHHHH!!!!!

2004-04-21T15:42:00.000-05:00

Very, Very Angry

I am so disappointed that my new favorite TV show, Wonderfalls has been cancelled. The reviews for this show were unbelievable. Fox didn't even give it a chance. They decided to dump it into the Friday night schedule, when no one watches TV anyways. They only let us see FOUR episodes!!! I guess they dumped it to free up room for another crappy reality show...the next one will probably be about a midget trying to find a wife...oh wait, they already did that, didn't they???

Look, if you're reading this right now, you need to go to savewonderfalls and sign a petition to either a)get all 13 episodes released on DVD, or b)get another network to buy it. Preferably both. I don't care if you hate the show, I like it, and you need to help us WF fans out!!!!

Oh yeah, I'm also grounded for making a B+ in Biology (very hard class!!!) for a week from the BRAVES!!!! AHHHHH!!! THAT'S LIKE TELLING ME TO STOP BREATHING!!!! PLEASE LEAVE COMMENTS AND TELL ME HOW THEY'RE DOING BECAUSE I CAN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THEM!!! I CAN'T EVEN POST ABOUT THEM...SO YOU MIGHT NOT SEE ANY BRAVES POSTS FOR A WHILE!!! GOD HELP ME!!!

2004-04-20T14:54:00.000-05:00

Quote of the Day

"Slumps are like a soft bed. They're easy to get into and hard to get out of."
----Johnny Bench----

2004-04-16T13:53:00.000-05:00

Anaheim Angels Hotness Evaluation

As promised, here is my first of THIRTY (that's how much I love you three people that might be reading this) Hotness Evaluations. Let's praise some hotties and break some fuglies' hearts!!!!...okay I have decided to rate the Active Rosters instead of the 40 man rosters...that would take way too much time!!! If you don't see any comments under some of their names, I probably just had nothing to really say about them, so don't always look for comments.

Angels Starting Pitchers

Bartolo Colon- 2/10
C'mon, fellow girls, y'all know this guy needs to lose weight!!! But I guess there's something hot about a good fastball....

Kelvim Escobar-1/10
Cute ears...that's all I can really say.

John Lackey-1.5/10
Has those Braden Looper-like horse teeth...ewwww!!! Nice build, though.

Ramon Ortiz-1/10
I REALLY hate goatees!!!

Jarrod Washburn-3/10
Read my comments on Ramon Ortiz. Add in that Jarrod is kinda cute in his own little special way.

Angels Bullpen

Kevin Gregg-3/10
Average looking, gets one hot point, one cute point, and one pity point because of the Angels' totally unhot rotation.

Ben Weber-0/10
Oh my Lord, his facial hair is God-awful!!!

Scot Shields-4.5/10
Wow, a fairly good-looking Angel.

Aaron Sele-6/10
Some people can pull off the goatee;Aaron Sele is one of those people. Most can't;like Ramon Ortiz. Aaron pulls off the goatee well and is pretty cute at the same time.

Francisco Rodriguez-7/10
AWWW...I always thought this guy was cute...great reliever, too. I do believe the Angels pitching staff is coming back!!!

Troy Percival-5/10
Has that really hot rugged look about him.

Angels Catchers

Bengie Molina-0/10

Jose Molina-1/10
At least he doesn't have a goatee as of today...

Josh Paul-1/10
No love for the Angels catchers.

Angels Infielders

David Eckstein-3.5/10
Points are for those pretty blue eyes.

Darin Erstad-1/10

Troy Glaus-2.5/10

Shane Halter-1/10
Fat face.

Adam Kennedy-3/10
Gah, pretty much all of the infielders have been pretty plain.

Outfielders and DH

Garret Anderson-7/10
He's really good-looking if you ask me (he pulls off the mustache very well, it's hard to imagine him w/o it). He has a sultry look.

Jeff DaVanon-0/10
Wow, this guy looks remarkably like PeeWee Herman (not a good thing).

Chone Figgins-4/10
Cute Georgia kid.

Vladimir Guerrero-6.5/10
I hate his facial hair, but he has a beautiful smile and is a mama's boy.

Jose Guillen-1/10
I wish he would've stayed in Cincy....

Tim Salmon (DH)-0/10
Not attractive at all.

Pitching Rotation's Average Hotness-1.7
Bullpen's Average Hotness-4.25
Pitching Staff's Average Hotness-2.98...not good
Catchers' Average Hotness-0.6...LMAO
Infielders' Average Hotness-2.2
Outfielder and DH's Average Hotness-3.08

Anaheim Angels' Average Hotness:2.37
Final Analysis: A fugly rotation, fugly catchers, and plain-looking infielders did not bode well for this team. They're lucky they have a fairly good-looking bullpen and outfield to bring up their hotness average.

2004-04-16T13:36:00.000-05:00

Hotness Evaluation Terms

This is how I'm going to rate each team's hotness:

I will find pics of every player on each team's 40-man roster (gah, this is gonna take a load of time) and rate each player based on how much I am attracted to him.

Scale (1-10 points)

1-5 points (Overall Hotness)
1-3 points (Cuteness points)
The other 2 points (Whatever bonus points I feel I should give out)

Alright, hope everyone's looking forward to my Hotness Evaluations!!!

2004-04-16T13:30:00.000-05:00

Quote of the Day

"Predictions are difficult, especially about the future."
----Yogi Berra, Former Yankees catcher and philosopher----

2004-04-16T13:23:00.000-05:00

Great Article

OMG!!! ESPN actually did an unbiased article about the Braves....WOW!!!

2004-04-16T06:22:00.000-05:00

Getting tired of X's

Tonight is an Xtra special night on TBS, for it's the second Braves game that will have Xtra features to Xcite us. It is called Braves Friday Night Xtra, and I'm Xtatic about it. Cal Ripken (an Xtra nice man) is the Xtra special guest, Marcus Giles will give us Xtra tips on turning Dp's, we get an Xtra all aXcess pass into Adam LaRoche's first road trip, and Chipper Jones wears the Xtra cool microphone.

How Xciting!!!

2004-04-15T16:11:00.000-05:00

HELP

Will someone please tell me how to add a great big tomahawk to my blog's template? Thanks in advance!!!

2004-04-15T15:45:00.000-05:00

Randomness

Is that a word? Oh well...I was looking at the new Braves program for this season and I have decided that the Braves have to be the hottest team in baseball.

Marcus Giles and Mark DeRosa are FINE, Horacio and Druw are cute, and we have several other hotties like Chipper (although he needs to use these new things out now called Crest Whitestrips, they work quite well), Jaret Hotness Wright, and Johnny Estrada is pretty dang handsome to me(send me spam if I forgot anybody).

Yeah, I know none of them hold a candle to Javy, but then again who does? We have a very great team in terms of hotness, and if that's what the MLB was all about, we would go 162-0, win every major award, Jaret Hotness Wright would be a 30-game winner with a 0.23 ERA and 450 K's, and we would sweep all the fugly teams in the postseason and be World Champs for the next 10 years.

Ya know, I just had the greatest idea. I'm gonna rank all 30 MLB teams in terms of hotness starting pretty soon, so watch for it.

Oh yeah, and I have to do a persuasive speech in my Honors Literature class, and my topic is "Why the Atlanta Braves will win their 13th consecutive NL East title this year". Wish me luck!!!

2004-04-15T15:36:00.000-05:00

I Love DOOL

Days of Our Lives has always been one of my favorite shows. I have watched it with my mom my entire life. I wanted to post about it because I am EXTREMELY confused right now. Who the frig is the Salem Stalker? I was shocked when it was originally thought to be Marlena (I love Deidre Hall...I might just name my future daughter after her), but now everything's just really confusing and I have no idea who it is. BTW, I think Patrick and Jen should DEFINITELY get together! ;-) If any DOOL fans are reading this, please leave some comments.

2004-04-15T15:13:00.000-05:00

Quote of the Day

"We're supposed to be perfect our first day on the job and then show constant improvement."
----Ed Vargo, major league baseball umpire----

2004-04-13T15:31:00.000-05:00

Quote of the day

"The only reason I'm coming out here tomorrow is the schedule says I have to."
----Sparky Anderson----

2004-04-10T15:15:00.000-05:00

Quote of the day

This is a new little thing I'm gonna try to keep doing everyday...enjoy!!!

"When they smile, blood drips off their teeth"
-Former Braves Owner Ted Turner on agents

2004-04-10T14:40:00.000-05:00

Wow

I haven't posted in a while....let me just say I am deeply saddened by some things I have saw this past week....

1. Javy's homer on his first pitch as an Oriole (destiny?)
I love Javier Torres Lopez with all of my heart and soul...I met him on Meet and Greet day at the Ted last August and totally freaked out....I didn't know what to say to him. I just ran up to him and hugged him. I'm 100% positive all of the female attention he gets makes him feel awkward. He's a great guy who is hella hot.

2. Baaaaaaaad Starting Pitching and Smoltzie's troubles
Let's face it, Ortiz and Hampton did pretty awful in their first starts of the year. At least we have the bright spot that is Horacio Ramirez and the dimmish, flickering spot that is John Thomson. Hopefully, they will turn it around...we desperately need them to. I'm anxious to see how the Jaret Wright project turns out tonight....but now about Smoltzie. He's been fine so far (w/o the HR's), and I know he can turn it around. He should be the Braves' team captain, I really think he deserves that.

3. Raffy straining his back
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but this "minor" injury could snowball big time. I had the same thing happen to me and it hurts like HELL. No joke. It even hurt when I walked sometimes. Raffy's gonna have to be really careful with this....any little thing can hurt it again. I think he should stay out until they are COMPLETELY sure that it's okay. Mine was awful for about 4 months....it happened at the beginning of the softball season, so I just toughed it out. Thermacare patches came in very handy then.

Well, there's all the bad stuff....but I am happy about some things. Marcus Giles is CLUTCH, tries his hardest, and truly loves baseball...Alf, Reitsma, Cruz, and Ramirez have been GREAT...and we've been scoring a ton of runs....we're already tops in that category in the NL. BTW, my atlantabraves.com message board name is smoltzforlife8, if you wanna know. Happy Trails!!!

2004-03-30T15:41:00.000-05:00

Shocked

I don't understand why JS would give up Bubba Nelson AND Bong for one guy...we already lost Pratt and Wainwright now...yeah, I know the Braves minor leagues are chock-full of pitching and all, but it will be a while before our next good batch comes up. Pratt, Nelson, and Wainwright could have came up this year...it just seems like JS is concentrating on barely keeping the streak alive and not waiting for in the future when we would have a great pitching staff and possibly win a WS...did any of that make sense???

2004-03-22T18:18:00.000-05:00

Andy Marte

Let me just get this point across: I LOVE Andy Marte. LOVE him. He NEEDS to be our starting third basemen by the end of this season. Look, I love Mark DeRosa, but we need him as the super utility man he is. Just think of how awesome that Marte-Furcal-Giles-LaRoche infield will be. That's all I've got to say about this.

2004-03-22T18:03:00.000-05:00

A Little About Me

Well, I guess I should tell a little about myself and why I started this blog. I'm Emilee, from North GA, (about 1 hour and 20 minutes from Atlanta) and I have loved the Braves my whole 16-year life. I actually do remember when the Braves started winning, and it was a crazy time in the South!!! People went Braves-crazy, and everyone used to do the Chop and wear the caps. I remember in '95, when we won the World Series...it was pandemonium. My favorite Brave growing up was Chipper, because he was very good and very cute. In 3rd grade I drew a picture with Chipper on it hitting a home run against the Cards in the '96 NLCS and everybody in my class and even the principal signed it (the principal signing it was a very big deal then). We laminated it and it's still in my closet. I was very proud of it. I remember the '96 World Series too...I hated it when Avery walked in the winning run...I yelled at the screen and cried for a long, long time. As I got into middle school, Javy became my fave, partly because of the whole Chipper and random Hooters girl incident, and the simple fact that Javy looked a lot better and didn't dip. I kinda fell off the Braves for a while, until I heard that Glavine had signed with our hated rivals (and my mom's favorite team because of Mike Piazza) the NY Mets. I was so shocked...that's when I really started to get back into the Braves and became even more obsessed with Javy Lopez. Whew...did y'all get all that? Leave me some comments please!!!

2004-03-16T19:10:00.000-05:00

Braves Win! Braves Win! Braves Win!

Here's a little something to cheer all of us Bravos fans up until the season starts....it gives me chills....Sid Bream slide ('92 NLCS)

2004-03-15T16:26:00.000-05:00

Trying to Get Everything Together

I'm trying to really get this blog up and running, so I dunno when the next time you see a new post will be...if anyone's reading this...but anyways, I am trying my hardest to make everything look a little better and be more Braves-like in style...if ANYONE comes, please please please leave a comment...it would be great to see if anybody was reading this...thanks!!!

2004-03-15T15:43:00.000-05:00

Cardinals, 6-Braves, 5

I just got out of school, and from the looks of it (or from the Bravos message board anyways) Alf is the reason we lost....geez, I don't think we will be able to do anything with this guy...hopefully the changeup will work for him though. We desperately need it too...

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2004-03-15T07:25:00.000-05:00

Cardinals, 2- Braves, 0

Looks like we got shut out....there weren't any extremely outstanding performances, but John Thomson pitched 4 innings with 1 earned run and Jose Capellan pitched a 1-2-3 inning....Bong pitched well, too. I was kind of disappointed in Bubba Nelson, though...he had a wild pitch that let in a run. I'm trying to recall all of the HTML/JavaScript tags I learned in Web Design class...I actually paid attention in there, I just have a bad memory. I'll probably just go to webmonkey and learn some...my next post is gonna be about me and why I like the Braves, though.

2004-03-13T16:25:00.000-05:00

Braves win BOTH games!!!

We played split-squad games today against the $kankee$ and Reds, and won BOTH!!! ( which is ironic, because we've lost seven with full squads) Anyways, I listened to WSB to hear the $kankee$ game, and read the Braves message boards to get Reds updates.

Braves, 6-$kank$, 5
I thought this one was gonna be a blow-out, as Hampton gave up 4 runs in the first inning and Jon Lieber pitched a great first inning....but then the Bulldog allowed no runs in his next two, and Lieber gave up 2 in the second (which turned out to be his last inning). Then Andy Glenn (I think that's his name...you will have to forgive me bc I have HORRID memory) came in to pitch for the Bravos in the 4th and 5th...he was quite excellent, allowing no runs and making $heffield pop out. But thank God for the $kankee$' supposedly super prospect Jorge DePaula!!! He was extremely shaky, giving up 4 runs (3 of those from a JD Drew blast), walking a ton of people, and throwing the ball into centerfield. Basically everything went wrong for him, and I don't really feel sorry for him at all, considering what team he is on. Then Smoltzie comes in in the 6th, with a 1-2-3 inning, in his first ST appearance. Our great acquisition Armando Almanza pitched the 7th or 8th, I really don't remember, and barely squeaked by, giving up a run. Will Cunnane got the save, but he barely squeaked by himself....he had 2 men on with 2 outs, but he got the K, so I guess it was all good. Overall, a fairly good game.

Tomahawk Choppers, 6-Reds, 3
I don't know too much about this one, since I got all my updates and info from Skip, Pete, and the Coke Fiends (stole that from Baseball Widow, lol) message boards, but apparently Andy Pratt did excellent (although he walked four), and Andruw and Johnny Estrada hit well.

2004-03-13T16:23:00.000-05:00

Well, welcome to my Braves and other random things blog...I will try to update as often as possible!!!